Newbie Dad...

Yesterday was father's day. Sophia is now about a month old. It's been a rough month. I did not feel like much of a dad on Father's Day. Jeri says I do a lot, but I had pictured things so much more differently. I do as much as I can to help, but it's all stuff that you can hire a maid to do, really. Again, I have no idea what I was thinking... it's not like I have breasts or smell like sweet milk... what can dad's really do, but be sideline support for the baby and front line support for mom.

I don't mind it really, I just get really sad and frustrated at the same time when I try to comfort Sophia and she just hates it and cries even louder. Once she plops onto mom, blam... she may not just stop crying but at least you can hear her start to calm down. Within 5 minutes, she's able to at least calm her. With me... I'm doing laps in and out the kitchen for an hour to keep her quiet. As a last resort I have to grab the car seat, put it on my lap and shake, move, roll, it like how a moving car would feel. Sometimes I think Sophia is just like a female version of "Stewie" on Family Guy... wanting to kill the mom, but in this case me.

Crying decibels decrease with mom and increase with dad. I've come to the realization that, that's just the way it is. I don't smell sweet, and as Jeri says all the time, "boys are stinky."

Well Sophia, I'm here for you when you need me. I just have to accept the fact that you have no idea who I am right now and that I'm just the "stinky boy" who changes those huge poopie diapers, and sticks a boob shaped plastic bottle down your throat that contains mom's sweet milk... feeble attempt at bonding but you know it's not mom... :P